Finding Wonder in the Darkness: A Journey Through Magic, Mental Health, and Faith
A Life Shaped by Wonder
Magic begins with a moment of wonder. For me, that moment came at the age of six. A friend performed the Zombie Ball trick at a school talent show—a silver sphere floated impossibly in midair. I was captivated. But what truly set me on this journey wasn’t the trick itself; it was catching the secret. That feeling of being on the inside, of unlocking something hidden, sparked a fire in me.
Shortly after, I learned my first trick and performed it for my dad—the smartest man I knew. Fooling him gave me a sense of power I’d never felt before. It wasn’t about deceit; it was about possibility. Magic became a part of my DNA, a lens through which I saw the world. Little did I know, it would also become a lifeline in the darkest moments of my life.
The Hidden Struggles Behind the Curtain
Magic is often described as an art of illusions, but there’s a deeper irony: magicians themselves often live behind masks. While performing, we appear confident, composed, and joyful. But behind the curtain, many of us grapple with depression, isolation, and self-doubt.
I’ve personally battled these struggles, as have many of my peers in the magic community. It’s a strange contradiction—an industry designed to bring wonder and joy can sometimes feel like an emotional prison. Yet, it’s also what has saved me time and time again.
A Trade Show, A Crisis, and an Unexpected Success
One of my darkest periods came during my divorce. My personal life was unraveling, yet I had to keep showing up for my gigs. One event stands out vividly—a trade show where I was hired to attract attention to a client’s booth. Every passerby seemed to reject me and my magic. It mirrored my inner world: rejection, failure, inadequacy. By the end of the day, I was ready to quit.
But then the client pulled me aside and said, “Thank you for making this trade show a massive success.” I was stunned. How could my perception of utter failure coexist with their experience of success? It was a harsh but valuable lesson: depression skews reality. Sometimes, we’re doing far better than we think.
The Healing Power of Creation
Magic has always been more than a profession—it’s therapy. During some of my lowest points, card manipulation became a form of meditation. I would pace back and forth, headphones on, practicing the same sleights over and over. The repetitive movement grounded me, while the creative challenge of innovation gave me a sense of purpose.
Building Vulpine Creations was an extension of that healing. For four years, I poured my heart into creating magic props that were the pinnacle of quality. The reviews were glowing, but the company wasn’t profitable. I was devastated. It felt like another failure.
But failure has a way of pointing us toward new purpose. I realized that while Vulpine wasn’t financially successful, it was proof of what I was capable of. It prepared me for something greater—a calling that would merge my love for creation with a deeper sense of meaning.
The Birth of FaithLabz
FaithLabz was born out of a late-night moment of frustration. I was watching my kids lose themselves in their screens, disengaged from the faith I wanted so badly to pass on to them. It hit me like a lightning bolt: what if technology could be an ally instead of an enemy?
This realization sparked a journey to merge modern innovation with ancient wisdom. Through augmented reality, we’ve brought the Bible to life in ways that captivate the digital generation. FaithLabz isn’t just about entertainment—it’s about rekindling wonder and making timeless truths accessible.
Failure, Faith, and Finding Purpose
Looking back, my journey has been a tapestry of successes and failures. I’ve had the honor of fooling Penn & Teller, performing TEDx talks, and creating innovations like the PYRO device. But I’ve also faced deep valleys of depression, financial struggles, and feelings of inadequacy.
What I’ve learned is this: success isn’t always about profit or recognition. It’s about impact. It’s about using your gifts to bring light to others. Magic has taught me that even in the darkest times, we can create moments of wonder—and those moments can heal both the performer and the audience.
Embrace Your Own Magic
If there’s one thing I hope you take from my story, it’s this: you have the power to create wonder, no matter your circumstances. Whether it’s through art, innovation, or acts of kindness, your gifts matter.
If you’re struggling with mental health, know that you’re not alone. Seek community, lean into creation, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. And if you’re looking for inspiration, I invite you to explore FaithLabz—a project born from my darkest nights and brightest dreams.
Together, let’s rediscover the magic of faith, wonder, and purpose.
